Sometimes I feel like I’m walking in a picture. When I walk around Shanghai, I feel like my eyes are seeing real life photoshop.

We spent he second half of our day in Pudong (east of the river). We went to celebrate Alina’s birthday!

We went to the Himalaya Hotel and ate at their fancy buffet then watched belly dancing. It was so fun!!

Tomorrow we fly out and I will see family for a day, then fly to see my BFF (!!!!!) and meet her baby Z! The hubs flies to Paris for work then will meet me in NY.

I can’t wait!

I didn’t mean for the title to sound so 80s. haha Don’t you think of Whitney Houston (Ugh, I miss her) and her “crack is whack!” statement? 

I went to the hospital today because my period is very late. But an at home pregnancy test says negative, which I knew because my Dr told me a couple of weeks ago that there is a polyp on my uterine lining. Plus at my last ultrasound I was told that I didn’t ovulate this month. That was so hard to hear, to hear that my body wasn’t shooting out eggs like it should. But I had an unusual amount of stress during that time so I suppose it wasn’t a huge surprise. I have been eagerly awaiting my period so I can get my polyp removed. As the days passed by, I was weirded out because my period is never late. 

I had a urine and blood test done, which I assume was to see if I was pregnant. I am not pregnant according to the test, I am also assuming the Dr tested for other things as well. She gave me dydrogesterone tablets and she told me whether I am pregnant or not, this is ok to take. She mentioned that these pills will help my period come. I have to say, I am a bit tired of taking pills. But if it’s what’s best for my body then so be it!

This week is busy, we’re packing for our trip. The hubs is going to Paris for work and I decided to go visit my BFF and finally meet her baby Zoe! Then after that I’ll be in NY and so will the hubs. Sadly our NY trip is very short, we’re going to our close friends’ wedding and then seeing a few friends. We also want to see our family and our nieces (one who I am meeting for the first time! Aerin, auntie can’t wait to meet you!). I miss them, I miss all of them. 

When we come back to Shanghai, I’ll be getting my surgery. Hopefully these are steps to getting pregnant. The Dr is really positive and I’m trying to be as well.

Oh my goodness! I received a package today! 

My friend Sandy sent me a care package and it made me cry. It’s rather amazing how thoughtful she is, she’s like a stealth ninja that doesn’t tell me she has things for me and suddenly one day I get a package! The thing I loved most was the thoughtfulness of everything in the package. 

Each item came with a note that made me smile. There was even a glittered box with jewels decorating it. I <3 glitter!

She gave me a beautiful owl necklace with a pearl, bath salts and hand cream that are lavender-scented. The hand cream is my favorite! Nail polishes, which are amazing since I don’t have many here and delicious peanut butter cups! 

It hasn’t been a tough week per-say but I have been thinking a lot. I thought about how much I hate Mother’s Day. I used to hate it because I used to wish that I had a mom like all my friends. One who was encouraging, always positive, loving and caring. Then I whined about not being able to become a mom with my fertility issues. Don’t get me wrong, I probably will still whine every now and then.

This past week, I thought about the kind of mother I want to be. I want to be everything that I wish I had as a child. I want to be the mother who loves their children and supports them. A mother who understands that children aren’t perfect. Encourage them to tell me their mistakes and help them learn from it. To never fear me, I was always scared to tell my mom anything. I feared disappointing her because I knew what was coming, she would get angry and beat me to a pulp. So instead of going to her and hoping she would understand or help me, I boxed myself in and shut myself off. It wasn’t healthy at all.

I went to a lot of therapy after a breaking point where I literally felt as though I was worthless. The therapist told me that there is nothing I can do but to take care of myself and detach myself from a family who already disowned me. I was going down a road of depression and felt no self-worth. It’s funny because even though I was spiraling out of control, I still thought I was being selfish. I should make my family happy, they’re angry with me because I deserve it. It’s my fault for being depressed, of course they’re angry. But no matter what I do, eventually they would be angry with me for many reason. Some reasons were valid, most weren’t.

You see, I didn’t have the kind of childhood that I hope my future children will have. I also didn’t know my biological father, he disappeared after the divorced and reappeared one day while I was in college and asked me for money. Amazing. I don’t wish for anything different, I am the woman I am because of how my life has been. However, I do not wish my children to experience that kind of life. I was very lonely, I was hurt (emotionally and physically) on a regular basis and I was manipulated. 

Last night, I was telling the hubs that I want to concentrate on becoming the kind of mother I wish I had. The mother I want for our children, I really want children. I want a family, I want my husband to be a father. He’s the most patient, kind and loving person I know. He’s going to be the BEST father ever. I don’t know if I have ever mentioned this… But he never EVER gets angry at me. We have a discussion when he disagrees or doesn’t understand. There is never any yelling, I am never scared of him. Ever since I have lived with him, I have never been scared. I finally feel comfortable.

I’m alive today because of my husband, my BFF and my loved ones. My husband gave me hope: hope that I can have a normal life and  a family whose foundation is built on love. My BFF gave me strength: when I was at my weakest, she was there, holding me up and making me believe that I will be able to survive. My loved ones gave me encouragement: if I should ever have a day where I am not at my best, they are always there to remind me that I am NOT that bad.

So when I opened this care package from Sandy, it was perfect timing. All week I’ve been a little up and down with stress, waiting for my period to come so I can get my surgery. By the way, it’s still not here yet. I had just finished lunch with the hubs, I was on the train and I was hiccuping so much that I threw up. Yes, on the train. I got home and I had this package waiting for me. 

I open it and everything was so perfect. She put little notes on everything to make me happy, to bring me joy. I am thankful for that because the timing was amazing.

Thank you Sandy, thank you loved ones. You have filled my heart with so much love.

This life we are living… it is and will be a great one.

I was looking through my cabinets and trying to figure out what I could make for dinner that was easy and healthy. Guess what? This is not only delicious but you probably have the ingredients in your fridge and pantry.

I bought a pork tenderloin, put it in a sauce pan with some veggies and seasonings on simmer until the pork was ready. Then used two forks to shred. Serve with rice or put in a roll and you got a meal right there. We ate it with two different Chinese greens sautéed in garlic and were stuffed.

All measurements are approximate (adjust to your liking)

500 g (1 lb) pork tenderloin
1 large sized onion, sliced
1 carrot, sliced
4 cloves of garlic, minced
chopped fresh ginger (use as much or as little as you want, I used a crazy amount)

1/4 cup of soy sauce
1 T sesame oil
1 T of honey
2-3 T of apple cider vinegar

Put the entire pork tenderloin into a heavy bottomed saucepan with the sliced veggies and minced garlic/ginger on top.

Mix the soy sauce, sesame oil, honey and apple cider vinegar together in a separate bowl, then pour on top of the pork. Simmer on low heat till the pork is done, shred with two forks and enjoy!

This reminds me a little of adobo and it’s so delicious. I imagine this would also taste good with beef or chicken instead, well… chicken especially because I’ve made that before. Serve with rice and some veggies and you have a wholesome meal! Garnish with some sesame seeds but definitely not necessary. You could add potatoes and other veggies but it will take longer to cook. That may also require a bit more seasoning as well.

What are some of your easy to cook recipes? I’m looking for new things to cook. I’m in a rut.

I’ll tell you why I love crochet: It’s forgiving. I’m starting to remember why I instantly loved crochet and always made things out of crochet. Knitting is so mathematical and so much slower. I have serious respect for you knitters out there! 

The above picture is a 1st failed attempt at a baby dress for my niece Zoe. As you can see, I’m a bit rusty when it comes to knitting. But I have so much yarn, I figured I’ll try again.

This is my 2nd attempt at the same pattern and I think I lost count somewhere. Doesn’t this crack you up? She’s only 5 months, there’s no way this would be the right size. So guess what? I unraveled it and I am halfway through my 3rd attempt and it’s LOOKING GOOD!

I still can’t follow a pattern, I think the musician in me doesn’t want to be restricted to what’s written down. So I tweaked a pattern (mostly cuz I didn’t understand it LOL) and then it’s now looking good! And the size looks about right. I would post a pic of my progress so far but I know her mama reads my blog and I want it to be a semi surprise. Though now she knows what color it is. HA! Hi HJ!

Is there a good (free) visual explanation of all knitting terms out there? Does anyone know? I want to learn the proper ways of knitting.

I’m feeling better today, I just took my last dose of antibiotics and I’m so glad that is DONE. My face and neck have cleared up but left scar marks, I wonder if those will go away on their own. I knew I shouldn’t have scratched them. But anyway, I’m back to myself today and all it took was a good night’s rest. And now… onto some delicious eats!

The first night that our friends were here we ate at Shook!. Wendy emailed us prior to coming and asked if we would like to eat there. I immediately replied that it’s one of my favorites. This was the first time we ate there at dinner, we usually go for brunch. Dinner was nice, we got the set for two and got to choose from a list of dishes and dessert. We tried everything since Wendy and Mike ordered the opposite of what we did. We were stuffed!

We had the rack of lamb and it was moist and tender. Before Shanghai, I didn’t like lamb at all. I can’t tell if my taste buds have changed or if it’s not gamey here. Either way, yum! It’s located near the bund and I suggested (no matter what time you’re there) to walk along the bund. Take pictures, take in the beauty of Shanghai.

What is your favorite place or meal to eat?

My favorite has to be simple NYC pizza. Thin crust and gooey cheese. That is all I want to eat when I go back home!

I stumbled across a yarn shop while walking around with the hubs. I’ve been having so much trouble finding cotton yarn, suddenly I find it everywhere! These packs were on sale and super-duper cheap, around $4 each. Normally they are a lot more but I’m guessing that nobody wants these colors so they’re making room for new colors. I took them because they make cute baby clothes colors. I’ve been working on some crochet projects and guess what? Uh, I totally made it too small for my nieces. Sigh.

I love the look of knitted items for summer since they are thin compared to crochet. I started crocheting a dress for my nieces. I hope I can finish these on time, I feel rather stupid that I spent all that time on their clothes and then found it too small. I really don’t know baby sizes at all, I need a baby at all times, like I did with my niece Claire. It was so easy since she was always right next to me and I could always measure as I go. Since I’ve been in Shanghai, I have no models to compare sizes to and I am HORRIBLE at following patterns. I usually wing it.

Speaking of children. Emails are trickling in from friends who are pregnant with their second babies. I am so happy for them, being able to get pregnant is such a blessing. I wish I could also experience that joy, I wish I were pregnant. I’m eagerly awaiting my (late) period so that I can get the polyp removed so that I can have a child. I try to be as positive as I can but I have my breakdown days where I just can’t understand WHY my body is the way it is. But then the doctor did tell me that once the polyp is removed, I should be able to get pregnant. I semi fear, what if that doesn’t work too? What will I do then? 

I’ll stop freaking out for now. 

I’ve been walking around a lot with the hubs when he’s free, knitting like a mad woman and I’ve stopped checking my email. Mostly because there’s nothing there when I check it anyway. Also to get a break from constantly checking, though I’m on instagram a lot. Instagram is nice since it’s just pictures of my daily life and I like to look back on it. Even the ones from before we moved here and to see how my life was in NY.

I have two questions for you: Are you working on any crafting projects? Is anyone out there going through infertility?

Two very different questions but I’d like to hear about them, since that’s what is on my mind. 

Hey everyone! I’m guest blogging over at Married Up With Wine, so please swing by and say hello! Mandy is a good friend, we met through Weddingbee where we both blogged about our wedding. She is also an Expat and is currently living in Spain with her husband and two adorable dogs. We have shared many IMs, video chats and emails about how our lives differ from when we lived in America. She has amazing reviews of restaurants, her travels, her life in Spain and who doesn’t love a girl who loves wine?

I previously blogged about Nanjing West Road’s pedestrian Street. Oh, honey! I was mistaken, the proper name is Wujiang Road Leisure Street. As I blogged before, it is located off the Line 2 subway stop Nanjing West Road, exit 3. Once you get out of exit 3, you are in the middle of the pedestrian street!

Remember that ramen place I ate at with my in-laws there? My husband and I decided to check it out again this past weekend and he loved it!

Once you get out of the subway, you’ll see Ramen Play. Their service is so-so but their deals are amazing. The food was tasty, I had a hot and sour ramen soup, hubs had black sesame fried rice. We shared two appetizers (cheese and pork fritters and lobster salad) and got drinks. It was only 138 RMB for the both of us and we were plenty full. If you’re looking for cheap eats and happen to love Japanese food (ramen, fried rice, omurice and so forth) then Ramen Play might be for you!

This was the set menu they had for 1, 2, and 4 people. It’s definitely a better deal than getting it separately but there are a lot of things on the regular menu that isn’t on the set. So have a look and see what you fancies your taste buds.

After you’ve finished, walk around! There are tons of other food places like the desserts I mentioned in my previous post, Happy Lemon, Krispy Kreme, Korean food and there’s a decent amount of shopping. Make sure you check out some shopping at Hot Wind (they are kind of like a Forever 21, cool accessories, clothes and shoes) and the mall that is attached to it. They have quite a few Korean shops, which surprised me and made me feel instantly at home. I miss being able to communicate easily, seeing Korean words made me feel a lot better!

We’re going to go back this week and give this Korean place a try. It looks like typical Korean snack food, I hope it’s good! I really miss authentic Korean food and I know we should venture out to Honqiao (which isn’t too far from where we live by cab) but I’ve been too lazy to go there. I’m also looking for a bookstore that sells Korean books (children and adult) to keep up with my Korean and to give books to my nieces since they are half Korean! 

Isn’t the window absolutely adorable? It made me smile and it was wonderfully sunny that day. I think I found my new hangout area!

What are your favorite hangout places? I usually like places with tea, a small snack and free wifi.

When our friends Wendy and Mike bought their airplane tickets to Shanghai, they asked if we wanted to see ERA. They are a huge fan of acrobatic shows like Circ de Soleil. The hubs and I have never been to one and we’ve been talking about doing things in Shanghai that we normally haven’t done. 

The auditorium was on the smaller side, which is great, so you could see everything rather close. We bought the best tickets available and it wasn’t more than maybe $100 or so American dollars. TOTALLY WORTH THE PRICE. We sat in the front row, right in the middle. They had snacks and drinks that you could buy and bring into the auditorium.

It was charming, it was beautiful, we gasped and I would love to see this again! Our friends who absolutely love Circ de Soleil were blown away, they said that ERA is so much better. There were so many moments where I grabbed Wendy’s arm and screamed “OMG!!!!!!!!” because I was amazed and baffled by how they were performing, it looked IMPOSSIBLE.

Photography and video recording is absolutely prohibited. Did I take those pictures? No, I wish I had.. I took a picture of the pictures that were hanging in the hall outside the auditorium. When I looked at these pictures, it was the same performers! I can’t believe how spectacular this whole show was. They even had an intermission and thank goodness they did. I RAN to the bathroom because it was so suspenseful for me. 

Have you seen any acrobatic shows? If so, what and did you like it? If not, what would you like to see?

I’m hoping to go to more acrobatic shows in the future! It was so much fun.

You may have read in earlier posts that I had a bit of an issue with hives. The doctors said that it was stress induced and that my scratching caused it to get severely infected.

Great.

Then they though it was a virus, so they gave me prescription antivirus. Then I thought I was getting better but I was just hopeful.

I got worse.

Then they gave me a different antivirus and the doctor told me they will run a bacterial test just incase since I’m not responding to the medication.

The doctor called me back a few days later and guess what?! Bacterial infection. He said that it’s common and unfortunately stress can weaken your immune system, break out in hives and then my scratching obviously made it worse.

He also said that my body is used to common bacteria in America. Sometimes with a weakened immune system, the bacterial takes full advantage.

I started my dose yesterday and guess what? The infected hives are already almost gone.

Let this be a lesson to you and I.

1. Manage your stress better or you may break out in hives.

2. If you break out in hives, don’t scratch it. And just go to the hospital right away instead of hoping it will go away.

I’ve decided to start running again to help manage my stress better. I think I will start off slow but I figure even jogging will help my stress.

To be honest, having this blog provides me with some stress relief. The post I wrote about my problems with infertility + hives + surgery…. Was really hard for me to write. It’s public, a lot of you know me in real life, and some don’t. But you all reached out and made me feel loved and supported. I can’t tell you how nice that was.

Even those of you who have never commented before, I had no idea anyone even read my blog. I just want to thank everyone for showing your love.

I’m ready to tackle stress and hopefully never let this happen to me again. Anybody have any running tips for me? I’m a semi newbie, I can run 6 miles in one shot but I just get so bored. I need some motivation!

What is your stress relief?