Expat Life: When It Rains
pic of the walkway outside our home
When it rains, it pours. I’ve been having a rough two weeks.
Lots of things have been going on with me physically. I’m ok. I broke out in 3″ hives on my back, neck and chest. It’s all stress related. It started two days ago and today is day 3 and thankfully it’s going away. I’ve been grinding my teeth even while I’m awake and that is just a terrible feeling both physically and emotionally.
So I’ve been a little emotional these days and today I went to the market and I asked the lady where to find mai fun noodles. She responded but I couldn’t understand her so I asked her if she could show me where it is. Then she pointed at her box of stuff she needs to stock and she screamed at me. Not yelling… pointing her finger at me then the box – full-out SCREAMING. I spoke to her in Chinese, she spoke to me in Chinese. I didn’t use English at all, only Chinese because I know most people don’t know English and I don’t expect them to. I did, however, expected a normal response. I get that I’m a foreigner but I don’t deserve to be yelled at like that for asking a question.
Then I went to the veggie stand and I was in line to get my things weighed and priced. An older lady came in front of me and knocked my veggie off the scale and put hers on there. I had been waiting in that line for a good 10 minutes so I wasn’t going to let her push me around. I took her veggies off and then I pointed to the line. She threw my veggies on the ground and got her stuff weighed and priced. The person pricing things didn’t care. I walked away.
I don’t have a thick skin at all. I cried. I think back to the times we were in NYC and I can’t even remember a time where I was treated that way. I hear my midwest and southern friends saying they heard NYC is a rude city. Honestly, it’s NOT a rude city. People are generally kind but busy and I’ve made some really amazing friends from NYC.
I normally wouldn’t give two craps about what happened at the grocery store today but with all the stress I’ve been having, it broke me down. The nicer, more expensive expat stores, obviously don’t have this problem. But they don’t sell Japanese sweet potatoes. I really wanted that today.
When will I ever get used to this? I guess I won’t, I guess I should start going to the expensive expat stores from now on. Or I should buckle down and grow thicker skin. But then again, I even get that on the subways here. People block the entrance to the train so that nobody can get out, so the people inside, push and shove. I’ve witnessed a number of fights between the pusher and the pushed. They shout, they push each other and then sometimes the local subway workers come and try to diffuse it. Sigh. This could all be avoided if they simply wait on the sides of the doors, let the people off first and then go in. That’s what we do in NYC
I came home, I put my groceries away and had afternoon tea. I steamed a mantou bun, made white earl grey tea the hubs got me in Singapore and an orange. I ate and drank in silence contemplating about how stressed I’ve been. I started to miss home and got sad about the stress I’ve been under.
Even though I had a few bad experiences at local stores, I can’t complain about Shanghai. The friends I made here are simply wonderful. Though, we’re not at the point of “hey guess what? I’m freaking stressed out and want to tell you my whole life story. Hugs?”. I sometimes wonder if I ever will have those kinds of friendships in my 30s?
Are we past the age where we can start new friendships and then they turn into super friendships?
Just like any city, there are good and bad people. Shanghai is just one example of that.
Right when I was feeling super down about being yelled at and having my veggies thrown on the floor… an old grandpa patted me on the back and said “xie xie” (thank you) over and over again for me holding the door open for him. He had the biggest smile on his face and so did I.
oh, it’s so hard to hear this! I can’t believe how rude those people were at the store. It’s so sad and there’s nothing you can do about the way people treat you. I’m also in shock about the subway! Where’s the common sense/courtesy?
I don’t know if it’ll get better, but these situations might decrease once you start really understanding everything in Chinese? I would hope so! And if that woman threw my vegetables on the floor after I stuck up for myself?? FACE PUNCH!
Hope you feel better soon. Drink your tea, meditate, do what you have to do to find some peace.
Thanks sweetie. My friends here tell me that is the culture here. Shanghai was even worse 10 years ago apparently but now that it’s a growing metropolitan that it’s slowly changing. There’s really no personal space either, people will stand right next to you sometimes even if the whole train is empty.
*HUGS*
Trust me, it was really tempting to throw her groceries but then I was afraid she would whoop my butt. haha.
ok, what a rude-ass bitch. sorry for my foul mouth, but seriously, WTF??? ugh, ugh ugh!!! i just don’t understand. what goes through a person’s mind when they do such a thing? is she mentally ill? i mean, she must be, no one who’s used to living in society would behave like that. maybe the clerk didn’t say anything because that lady is known to do this, and he knows to stay the hell out of her way.
you just got unlucky, love. what an unlucky day. and yes, when crap rains down, it POURS and absolutely drenches your weary soul.
i think of that old man as a glimmer of hope. people like that restore your faith in humanity. he was telling you that everything is ok, don’t despair.
so hard it must be for you. 토닥토닥.
고마워. 가끔씩 힘들고, 가끔씩 좋고. 어제는 무지 힘들었어. 보고싶다.
Oh, and btw, you do have friends like that in your thirties. Right here, babe.
I think we became much much closer as we neared our thirties. I’ve read that life really begins at thirty. I think I agree. As for new friendships, there’s no reason why you couldn’t cultivate new friendships that become super. Especially if it’s you.
There. Did you feel that? I just gave you an air-hug.
I did feel it.
Thanks bff. You are simply the best.
I’m usually just a lurker but this post made me sad. I’m so sorry that you had such a bad day. I know Shanghai can be a tough place, definitely one of those places where many of the locals just seem so fricken rude. The culture can be so shocking to Americans no doubt. Hang in there, I’m sure it’ll get easier as you get more acclimated. Just don’t turn into that mean lady who cut in front of you
Hi Pam! Thanks so much for your words. I don’t think I could ever be like that.
deep down in my core in a huge softie so there’s no way I can be rude to another person. Well, at least not on purpose.
Some days suck but I usually see the silver lining. Though, this day in particular sucked with the timing of my stress and breaking out in hives.
Are you also from shanghai?!
no im in the bay area, but have visited shanghai a few times. i am chinese, but don’t speak too much of it, so when I was in Shanghai, boy I got alot of funny looks for not understanding the language. i’ve always wondered how it would be to live overseas, so kudos to you for getting out there and immersing yourself, learning the language, i’m sure this will always be a memorable time in your life when you look back.
SF! I love SF! Well if you ever visit again, I’m sure you’ll find it’s constantly changing. I don’t speak much English here (except to friends) but they are increasing adding English to everything. (phew)
I think you’re right, it will be quite memorable to look back!
just catching up with your blogs…this read made me so sad
::HUG::
I can totally relate with the Rude people encounters. I cried about it as well and I was just there for a week! There’s definitely nice/good people there. But I got the impression that there is always a ‘rush’ and to get ahead of the next person.
I hope your time with some of the NCMCers cheered you up~
PS, I wished you could pepperspray them for their rudeness…
Awww thank Qing. I feel bad writing about my down times but its my only way of venting. I appreciate you reading and keeping up with me. Miss you!