Love Letters and Surgery News
I met up with my friend J today and as expected, it was completely comfortable and lovely. She works in the art district and that is where I saw this adorable graffiti of Batman and Superman. Ha, Chinese graffiti is adorable!
We had lunch together and it was so nice to talk together, catch up and she understood everything I said and vice versa. That alone was really nice, just be able to speak freely and not have to worry about the other person misunderstanding or not having any clue what you’re saying.
Afterwards I went to M97 Gallery to see the “Love Letters” Exhibition by Jiang Zhi. They were beautiful photographs of flowers and trees, set on fire to represent love. There were beautiful orchids that were on fire and it was captured right before it would have wilted into ashes. I looked at each photograph and I saw beauty, grace but I also saw sadness and anger. If you happen to be in Shanghai, I strongly suggest you make an appointment to see their gallery. It’s elegant design and display of their art is truly breathtaking.
I couldn’t help looking at those photos and thinking about my fertility issues. I had a mixed ball of emotions: sadness, hope, nervousness, excitement and anxiousness. I talked to my doctor yesterday about surgery and this Friday will be my pre operation blood work for surgery. I am mostly positive, I promise I am. Though, last night, I had a tiny bit of tears while talking to the hubs about it.
I was telling him that I’m nervous about the surgery. I know it’s a very TINY surgery, it’ll be quick and it’s not that big of a deal. But I told him I fear that I will not wake up from being put under. Logically I know this won’t happen but I remember when I was younger and broke my arm… I remember waking up and seeing doctors panicking and my family in tears and shouting because I had a bad reaction and they had trouble waking me up. I’m not full-out panicking about the surgery but I do have little thoughts rolling through my brain… what…. if…. I …. die??? I won’t. I won’t. I know. I know.
Then I was telling the hubs, how I wish I had a mom to talk to about this kind of stuff. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I’m depressed and bent out of shape. But I couldn’t help but imagine a girl in my situation, calling her mom and telling her she’s scared and her mom comforting her. I don’t have that luxury, sadly. I have been debating whether or not to tell my MIL. The main reason I don’t want to tell her is that I would worry her and possibly her being upset that I didn’t tell her sooner. But I think she should know, she sees me as a real daughter (and has treated me like one) so I think I’ll tell her this weekend when we all have time to talk.
It was really nice to talk to the hubs though. I had tears but not crying… he said to me that surgery (no matter how big or small) is still scary. It was nice to hear that my concerns were normal, it’s ok to be scared but know I’ll be ok. I think that’s what I needed to hear. Sometimes all I want is to be comforted a little, I know the facts… but I can’t help being scared. It’s not something I can just shut off but the right words definitely help my nervousness.
I guess I’ll find out on Friday when my surgery will be scheduled. Hopefully, not on my actual birthday but if it is… I guess happy birth/surgery day to me! Cross your fingers that this is the answer to my fertility problems.
How wonderful would it be to tell you all that I’m pregnant…
I just want to be the mom I wish I had, I want a family of my own.
I feel the same way about any kind of surgical procedure. I’m hoping for the best and I can’t wait to hear the news that you’ll be a mom! You’ll be an excellent one.
<3 Thanks Sandy :')
Your husband is right, no matter big or small, surgery can be scary. Hoping that this surgery will provide you with the answers that you are looking for.
Thank you Lauren :”)
I was the same way, Annie. Really scared about surgery and no mom to talk to or to be there during/after it. If you ever want to talk it through, you have my email!
Aww Layla, I miss you. I feel silly even to complain about my surgery because what you went through is so much harder and difficult. Thank you for being here for me. I appreciate it. <3
your husband is a good listener and supporter. that’s awesome in itself as men tend to want to “solve” problems.
as supportive as your MIL might be, i know what you mean about wanting to have your own mom to talk to. I lost my mom a few years ago, and I sure miss her, miss talking to her, i even miss her “answers” that didn’t make any sense hahah. but at least you do have other family to support you through things.
surgery is never something to take lightly, so I understand your fears and not being able to just turn it off. my thoughts and prayers are with you as you take these steps to expanding your family.
Hahaha, YES! He used to be a “solve” the problem kind of guy but through nearly five years of marriage, he knows when to “solve” and when to “listen”. I am lucky.
I’m sorry that your mother passed away, *HUGS*. And thank you for your thoughts and prayers! <3
thank god for w! in cases like these though, i think having a grounded husband is actually better than having a mom.
if i called my mom with the same concerns, i know what she’ll say to me: “재수없는소리 하지마.”
ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ 어무이~~~
Hahaha I doubt your mom would say that. She freaks out when Zoe coughs. Lol unless that’s just for Zoe…..,
Bingo!!! Just for Zoe!
. Yay me.
Haha she did actually say this to me, when I was preggers and I was expressing fears about having anything go wrong with the baby.
This little scenario explains about how I came to be how I am today.
I’m a medical student and have done my surgery rotation. Even after spending a few good months in the OR, I would still feel the same way as you if I were to have surgery, no matter how minor the surgery. Granted, I also hated the OR and don’t ever want to be in one if I don’t need to (some of my classmates are total opposites.) I’m glad you have good support from your hubs and MIL. I hope everyone in the OR are super nice and can ease some of the anxiety!
I’m glad I’m not alone in this and it makes me feel so much better that others understand! Yes having a great support system has made the anxiety a lot better.
thank you.
Dearest Annie언니! I still feel my heart skip a beat when I need to get a shot. I can’t imagine how scary it must be to go through a surgery. You are in my prayers 언니! I pray that God brings you peace & good baby news soon!!
고마워, 한상 파이팅! 언제나 엄마돼겠지. ^^ 기도해줘서 너무나 고맙다. 오래간많이다.., 행복하라!